Fishtaur, Blick Art Material Award, Attleboro Arts Museum. Made using Adobe Fresco and Illustrator.
Being unexpectedly recognized for a piece of art boosted my overthinking mind. Now I need to embrace it.
Okay. I had a loose plan for the Members Show at the Attleboro Arts Museum. It was to print a four-color linoleum block print. I had finished cutting it months ago. How long would it take?
I found it hard to find the time to do it not knowing just how much time job hunting takes after getting blindsided by being laid off. The anger from being let go was hard for this low-key chill person to process.
Time just ran out and I wasn’t going to rush it. So I printed out the digital art I started in my sketchbook, then worked it up on my iPad in Fresco, and finished it on my Mac in Illustrator. I enhanced the piece with pen and ink and then framed it. Delivered it to the museum with plenty of time to spare.
I’ve been mostly upbeat since being let go in August. Staying positive, way too positive for months. There were a few feeling-low days that came and went during this time. I struggled not to let it bother me and still I couldn’t be angry.
The piece I entered is called Fishtaur. That’s a centaur but with a fish body on top. I drew my first iteration of a centaur as a sandwich bag drawing years ago. I had recently done a few sketches of other animals, amphibians, or fish as centaurs. I settled on the fish in my orange goldfish style similar to those sandwich bag characters.
Centaur Creature sandwich bag
I broke a handmade mixing bowl while doing the dishes a week before Thanksgiving. It was made by a close artist friend. The pieces were picked up and saved, the floor was swept and then vacuumed. Suddenly I had this surge of being overwhelmed, broken, sad, and not feeling in control. I never felt something like that go through me from my feet, pause at my chest, and escape through my head.
Cutting the linoleum of Fishtaur, all four colors, was a labor of peace and calmness. You get into a zen-like zone all the while staying focused on cutting out whatever isn’t going to print. Pieces of linoleum fly off the gouge and onto the table and floor.
I had a piece of mail delivered in mid-November that slowly triggered the pent up anger inside from being laid off. It sat on the coffee table for most of the day. Later, I picked it up and scanned it, tossed it down, and went on an anger walk. Fists clenched, walking at a faster-than-normal pace, cursing and grunting as it got dark and chilly. Raindrops began to fall and that added to my anger and the pace. It was a quick 3 plus miles and I left some of that anger on the road.
Drawing and my volunteer projects kept my mind from overthinking too much and helped keep the creative spark going during the dry Fall months. But that wasn’t enough. Even though I was doing something productive it seemed like I wasn’t doing anything. Just spinning my wheels going nowhere.
I entered Fishtaur in the Members Show near the end of November just so I have something in the show so when I go to the opening and someone asks if I have something in the show I can say yes.
When I walked into the Members Show opening, I wasn’t expecting much—see familiar faces, have a beer, and enjoy the afternoon. The museum’s director told me to look at the program and the list of artists, my name had an asterisk on it, an award. Being recognized for my art brought out the part of me that finds joy in creating. It’s the creating that keeps me moving forward even when life throws an unexpected curveball. Sometimes, the simple act of putting yourself out there is enough to remind you who you are and why you keep going.
